Is Impulse Shopping Your Emotional Fix?
Recovery Strategies for Women---and Men

By Kathryn Amenta

Confessions of an impulse shopper:
"Whenever I'm feeling lonely, or stressed or bored, I go to the Mall. It makes me feel good to buy something—shoes, cashmere sweaters, cosmetics and jewelry, sometimes even something for the house. I just can't pass up a sale. Last year I bought another Channel suit on sale. Even if it's not the right size, I can have it altered someday."

"What harm is there in buying something to feel good? I work hard all week, and I deserve a little glamour. Besides, I'd rather go to a store where people pay attention to me than go home and feel ignored or lonely. So what if I have a lot of credit card debt. Doesn't everybody? At least I have some beautiful things to show for myself. In this world, image is everything...."

Even though women are generally associated with impulse shopping—we are not alone in this. Men, too, shop impulsively to puff up their chests. It's just that women's purchases are the dirty little secrets that can be hidden under the bed. There is no bed big enough for the new car or flat screen TV that characterize men's buying patterns. In a Cox News Service article (10/05), PR professional Jennifer Grizzle, observed "Women bleed money $100 at a time; men bleed it $1,000 at a time. Men like those big ticket items."

There are varying degrees of impulse shopping—from the occasional buying splurge to the chronic pattern of buying compulsively to alleviate or take away your loneliness, anxiety, blues, fear or depression. After the buying splurge, most people will cease the shopping frenzy. Chronic but impulse shoppers never cease their incessant need to buy things to relieve their emotional pain and to create a sense of safety and security. They fail to understand that buying things is a poor substitute for the self-love and love from others they are seeking. Buying "things" is only a quick fix and can only satisfy their hunger short-term until the next emotional craving rises. That's why the perceived need to buy more and more never stops.

Anxiety is a big trigger for impulse shopping. That's why there's a higher incidence before and after the holidays with all the expectations and guilt around gift giving. Guests coming to stay (yikes, the place looks like such a dump) or preparing for travel (they can't see me in this old thing!) are also anxiety triggers. Here again, there is the erroneous belief that gifts, furnishings or fashion will buy the love and acceptance you are really seeking. ("If everything looks good on the outside, I must be fine on the inside.")

Impulse shopping is often mistaken for poor money management skills, but poor money handling alone does not make you an impulse shopper. Impulse shopping is caused by the inability to control the emotionally motivated urge to buy things. Even when they reach the end of their cash, impulse shoppers will turn to credit cards or lines of credit to keep up their buying addiction.

You won't necessarily experience immediate financial trouble over impulse shopping. But, the consequences over time can be great. You will have little money to put toward true financial freedom, such as savings accounts for the inevitable rainy day or dreams for your future, retirement or a loved one's education. You will also not have any back-up should your finances unravel as in the case of a medical crisis, job loss or end of a relationship.

So how do we interrupt the behavior pattern—the seemingly knee-jerk impulse—to shop as a fix for our emotional craving? Here are some effective strategies:

1. Never buy something on impulse the first time you see it. Allow for a cooling off period. Wait a few days or a week before going back to the store.
2. Compare prices for the same item with other stores over the phone or on the internet.
3. Don't shop alone. Shop with a friend and make agreements before hand about what you will buy, and if you will buy.
4. Create a spending plan and discover alternatives to buying things so you can live with a greater sense of freedom within your means.
5. Understand the difference between true needs and wants (especially impulsive wants).
6. Track all your debt in one place and stop adding to it.
7. Pay cash whenever possible and take only as much cash as you are able to spend.
8. Always shop with a list.
9. Think before you buy.
10. Make specific short-term and long-term financial goals. With specific goals, you will be better equipped to resist buying things that have less meaning in your life.
11. Get clear about what real financial freedom is. This will likely change your overall attitude about money and buying.
12. Get help. If you believe you have impulsive shopping issues, don't be afraid to get support from a therapist, a financial advisor and/or a 12-step program.