Is this your summer of love?
Bring it on with your clarity and belief!

By Wendy Lyon

"Dr. Wendy, What steps can we take to create lives and relationships that are truly successful?"

(In the last edition of OPEN EXCHANGE, I shared the first and perhaps most important step you can take, which is to love yourself! For tips on how to do this, please see the previous article and contact me.)

The second step on my roadmap to relationship success is: Know what you want and believe you can have it.

I see many people who have settled in their relationships with lovers, friends or co-workers. They complain about people who demand their attention and leave them feeling controlled and depleted. Just because your grandparents and parents put up with bad relationships doesn't mean you have to follow the same path! Rather than settle for whatever relationships show up in your life, decide what you really want and choose your partners, friends and work situations based on what matters most to you. Believe that you deserve the love, happiness, respect and appreciation that you desire.

The first part of this equation is to know what you want, and to know what you want, you need to know yourself. Notice when you are most joyful and alive, notice what matters most to you, and what gives your life purpose and meaning. I know I love spending time in nature and I feel like I'm living my life purpose when I'm inspiring others to be their best selves and let love into their lives. What do you know about yourself?

If you are aware that you want a successful long-term romantic partnership, it's critical that you have clearly defined relationship requirements. Identify ALL your essential requirements and don't compromise on any of them. These might include things like honesty, passion, adventure, financial security, monogamy and children. Your vital requirements are the deal breakers that you can't live without. When all your requirements are met in a romantic relationship, you can negotiate any differences that come up.

This same concept applies to other relationships in your life. For instance, your requirements for your work relationships may include honesty, responsibility, financial security, acknowledgment, flexibility, creativity, etc.

It's essential to know what you want, and it's equally essential to believe you can have it, and to be prepared to say no to a relationship where even one requirement is missing. You may have to take risks, or try something new, like taking a stand for whatever it is that you really want. For instance, when Steve first suggested that we move in together, I said I didn't want to live together unless we were engaged. A few weeks later, we were meeting with a jeweler friend and designing rings. So be courageous and believe you can have what you really want!

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