Letter To A Friend

By Ana Maria Sanchez

The following is a journal entry written several years ago as I embarked on my journey to recovery. I truly believe I was in a state of channeling and was receiving divine guidance and the words I so desperately needed to hear that night for I was dealing with the most difficult of times and temptations. It was later modified and sent to a friend to assist her through the trials of recovery:

In recovery there is always a tug and pull. I understand you want to get better but there is always a resistance whether conscious or unconscious that sabotages our efforts. A real conflict within the ego when it comes to having to switch up anything in our lives that we are so familiar with, no matter how detrimental to us.

There will come a time when, as Wayne Dyer states, "excuses be gone." I am not saying that you have not attempted sincere efforts simply analyzing the data of the frequent times you have tried to quit then "something" happens and it doesn't pan out.

Quitting is hard, asking and humbling for the help even harder. You want it bad enough it will happen. Right now you're tired and just wanna rest, i get it, been there several times myself till it "clicked" or should i say, my fiance wasn't having my excuses anymore, my parents were at wits end, my friends saw straight through my bullshit and all my therapists and spiritual advisors were telling me to stop wasting their time and mine and just fly right.

I was so stuck in victim mode. Their words were hard to hear just wanted to knock em all out for calling me on the carpet but i eventually surrendered and realized i had to quit, quit it all. No where left to hide hell even the hard core druggies had had it with me. Either i was going to surrender to being an addict and quit talking bout wanting to get better or i was gonna get better and quit talking bout the woes of being an abuser.

I had enough tough love spiritual teachers put before my path that made it impossible to run drag on them. When you're ready it happens and only then. Realizing i was almost in my mid 30's also did it for me. I remember all too well consuming the wicked substance and saying aloud, "i sure as hell ain't gonna be doing this s— forever" laughing hysterically on the floor at the thought but with much fear in my heart. I'm pretty sure i made a pact with myself right there and then, then shortly thereafter WHALLAH shift happened!

At the very least, I can not encourage you enough to journal. Get a good book like Louise Hay's Love Yourself, Heal Your Life; work your way through it answering the probing questions. It helps us to see and acknowledge the vicious cycle we're in. We do good for awhile and then slip back in. The only way out is to reach out, ask for the help, be willing to receive it and commit to being steadfast about it.

I just worry that so much time is passing by. So many years have gone by and i want nothing but the best for you. For you to have true happiness, be pain and worry free with a good partner by your side, enjoying this journey with your family and friends. YOU DESERVE IT! Life, on this side of the fence, is fantastic.

Look at how many have chosen it and can testify to how truly worth it it has been. How worth it it has been to give the drudgery up. Within the first three months of true effort everything shifts for the better and then it just gets easier.

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